Cry... Cry... Cry... Sleep!

I'll start with a purely happy account: Friday night while at the Leightman's home, we brought them dinner since they brought Baby Ari into the world, He started to, very clearly, say "bob" and "baba" in response to Joey moving his lips in that shape and pattern while he was changing his diaper. They both found it quite hysterical! I found it adorable. Then Aaron and Baby Ari took their first bath together! VERY cute experience!

On Thursday night, August 12th, Aaron slept in his bed all night for the very first time! I had no idea when I would feel ready to have him sleep there. Joey and I were perfectly content to have him beside us where we could hear him, see him, and just be near him. BUT, he had not been sleeping strait through the night for the past three weeks, and each of the two times a night that I nursed him between 10pm and 5 am, he went back to sleep in his crib this time. Friday night, Aaron's second night in his crib, we decided that we should try letting him cry for a little while before feeding him to make sure he was actually hungry. You see, before having kids, I thought for certain I would let them "cry it out." Then I met my son and we both just felt that this was not right for him. I never had any reason to feel that he should be allowed to cry as he has always being a champion sleeper and kid. He started sleeping 8 hours around 7-8 weeks old and was sleeping 6 hours at 6 weeks, 5 at 5 weeks, etc. He would go to bed with us at 10pm and wake up at around 6am to eat and go back to sleep till 8am. No problem there! We also LOVED having him sleep in our room. But once started to cut his first teeth (and possibly hit a simultaneous growth spurt) he began to wake up every 2-3 hours like a newborn! I was totally fine with this for a week or two, who says when you have kids that you will ALWAYS get 8 hours of sleep? They are kids, afterall, and learning. But after 3 weeks of this, sad to say, I simply could not function anymore during the days. My relationships (friendships, and even my marriage) were suffering, my personality was suffering, and Aaron was even suffering. He was not his chipper self and spent a lot of the day cat-napping and rubbing his eyes. Joey and I prayed about what we should do, but I didn't really feel good about any of the options. I feel judged or bad about myself as a parent either way. Bad that I am not the mom I could be when I am exhausted, and bad that my child would be left to cry alone and think God knows what about why we are not holding him.
So anyway, Friday night we let him cry, but Joey held him the whole time. He cried for 30 minutes and you could hear in his voice that he seemed to be very frustrated to have daddy holding him and not be nursed back to sleep as he has been for the past 3 weeks. After 30 minutes I nursed him and he was back to dreamland instantly (this was all at 12:22am after going to bed at 9pm (3hrs 22min of sleep). He then woke up at 5am, so I fed him right away (5am is 8 hours after 9pm, so OF COURSE he is allowed to eat then if he would like to).

Yesterday, Saturday, we fed him as much as we could all day. He nursed 7 or 8 times and ate 3 meals (cereal, green beans with bananas x 2). Then I put him to sleep at 8:15, nursing him like always, but he didn't fall asleep, he just played quietly in his crib until he started to cry. This was the crappy and VERY rough part. We had some friends over, so I decided (with Joey) that a good plan would be for me to pump and have Joey give him a bottle with some cereal in it. This way if he were still actually hungry he could have a nice thick meal to hold him over. Well by the time I finished pumping and was ready to pass the bottle to Joey, Aaron was asleep! This was MUCH faster and seemingly less aggravating for Aaron than the previous night when Joey held him while he cried. So the bottle went into the fridge. That night Aaron didn't wake up till 3:45 (much better than the last few weeks). So Joey and I prayed and let a little bit of time go by as we interceded for him before going into the room and waited to try and see if he was hungry of just stirring and trying to get comfortable maybe. Within 15 minutes he was fast asleep again by himself. He did not wake up until 6:15am!!! And not screaming either, just little fusses. I nursed him and he went right back to sleep. He slept on his belly all night too! Something he has NEVER done before.

Now I have to say: I do not regret not doing this "let the baby cry" thing sooner. Aaron didn't need it up till now, and even now only having done it two times I HATE it. This was NOT fun or easy or comfortable. I also do NOT feel totally confident in myself or this whole method. BUT it did work and Aaron still woke up all smiles and love yesterday morning and I expect he will do the same today. And I know that out of this process I am getting my sanity back to be a better mommy to Aaron today, wife to Joey today, and friend to everyone else!- Without medication, so that is a huge thing for us all.

Thank you Lord for our baby! PLEASE help us to make the right choices.

Professional Pictures and Progress

So Aaron is a good looking gorgeous boy! I think that every parent must think that of their child, so if I am wrong please don't tell me as I am perfectly content to think that I am right. He is getting so strong too! He can sit up and sit up from a reclined position using his ab muscles and his two teeth are gleaming in all their white glory! He is, however, not excelling in the sleeper arena right now. But who said a child is supposed to give you 8 hours of sleep? It's such a blessing when they do, but I think a part of what you sign up for when you become a parent is a lack of sleep for the next 18 years or so. I love my little man. He is just such a blessing. I love his little facial expressions, and boy has he become expressive. I love that he says "Mama" and not much else in terms of decipherable expressions!

I am finally getting into the swing of being at home (though this week and the next few are very out-of-the-ordinary). Today, for example, I was out ALL DAY. But I made sure I did chores early in the morning, and then finished up in record time this afternoon. Then when Joey got home I implemented our new strategy (as suggested by my therapist- oh boy, now I'm one of those crazy people who references their doctor) of 10 minutes of unwinding time for him when he gets home, before and during which I say little or nothing to him and let him go into the back room and do whatever. We set the timer and he was able to gain some much needed sanity before slipping on his Daddy shoes. Then we ate dinner and I headed out for my night out, during which I am visiting my neighborhood Starbucks, blogging, catching up on emails, reading a book (maybe), and then stopping at the Publix next door for some shopping by myself (never thought I'd value that so much!).

Another note- my "therapist" is going to help me tackle my anxiety! I didn't realize how much anxiety was getting to me until someone offered to help me get rid of it. I can't imagine a life where I don't worry about... well everything! I am so excited at the idea of a life without anxiety! Pray for me if you think of it please!

6 Months FLEW by!

I can't believe our first little one is 6 months old today! Time FLYS! Last night I had some nasty food poisoning and thank God for a husband who loves me and takes care of me and Aaron.

A close friend just had her second miscarriage this week (she does not have any children yet) and one of my best friend's newborn is being hospitalized for severe jaundice right now. It seems like a rough time for everyone!

When I look over at the little miracle sleeping beside me right now as he naps with Mommy I thank God that all of his little parts are working so perfectly! He has a tiny heart that beats, and tiny lungs that breath, and a brain that functions perfectly... I am so thankful for the blessings in our life. Health cannot be bought. I am so thankful that we are so blessed. Aaron can now sit up well on his own (though here he is sitting in his boppy).

He has been eating new foods- carrots and oatmeal so far.

He can splash in the pool and the tub, I'll have to capture that on
camera soon!

He reaches out for me when he wants me to hold him and says "Mama" when he's very upset and crying. He is getting ready to scoot any day now. He has two little teeth on the bottom in the very front (you cant even see them in this picture, but the gnawing counts as evidence!).

He is a WILD MAN in his walker (yes I know walkers are a no-no). It gives him access to things like dish towels...

and the dog access to things like Aaron!

Everywhere we go people comment on what a good boy he is and I am so proud and thankful to be his Mama. Thank you Lord for our boy.

Series of Moments

I am longing to be home with Aaron at this point. Literally LONGING. I can't wait! I know that he is already and has always been with me all the time, but we NEVER slow down. We are constantly on the go. Work is too early for him and I always have to wake him up for the car ride. He is such a trooper, such a sweet and flexible little man, but I am ready to be DONE. I am so thankful for the provision that the Lord has made both financially (with Joey's raise) and practically (with Lindsey there to take my place at the preschool). Every once in a while I look over at Aaron and see a smile or smirk or giggle or look that just makes me think "I don't want to forget this moment." I don't want to miss these moments and I want to have just a little bit more time in each day to notice and enjoy them. Thank you Jesus that the time is almost here! I know that my "job" of being home is going to be overwhelming in it's own way, but I am going to do my best to discipline myself to slow down sometimes too. Hold me accountable friends :)
Tonight we went to the gold driving range. So much fun! I stink at golf, but Joey is such an athlete he is good at everything! Aaron was such a good boy! He LOVED watching Daddy hit the ball SUPER far! What a blessing he is to us! Thank you Jesus!

A Kick in the Stomach

My best friend is gone. She moved to Utah. It feels like I got kicked in the stomach. I am afraid we'll drift apart. It seems like all of the friends God puts in my life are so interim. Joey says "you'll be together forever in eternity anyway, you'll get to see each other a lot so you may as well spend time with other people now." lol. Oddly enough that does make me feel better about it. I miss her already. I know once I stop working it will really set in. I can't wait to be done with work, but I can wait for that feeling to come. I miss my friend.

Sweet as Cherry Pie

We traveled to Palm Beach Gardens and Miami with Aaron for the first time last weekend. He slept like a champ every night, but was NOT a fan of the car ride there. It was a lot of fun getting to see my mom and Warren and their new home. Aaron LOVED the fire works! He was the only kid there who wasn't crying when they started. He coo'ed and ooo'ed and aaaahh'd. He stared at them the entire time. We have a video of it and if I figure out how to upload one I will add that later.

Today was a whirl wind. Most days are right now. Work, play, hopefully a shower, and some rest in there too. Our friends, Joy and her hubby Wes, are staying with us for a few weeks. Today she taught me to make a cherry pie from scratch! Joy also taught me to use her sewing machine today. I hemmed a pair of pants that have had safety pins in them for 2 years! It was so easy I was amazed! Now, of course, I really want a sewing machine. Joey says it's not a great idea because I get into something new almost every day right now. I keep tossing around ideas. It's such a transitional time. It's hard to be patient and see what I am supposed to do vs. what I feel like doing in that moment. I know that I am already so busy, but I can think of all these cute things I would love to sew. That would be something I think I would enjoy: a therapy. But, again, Joey reminds me that all the fabric and threads and whatnots cost more money. Money is so annoying sometimes.

On a separate note: This girl walked into work this week and she is quite literally a God send. I know that she will be perfect to take over my position and I hope that this means a quicker departure than previously planned. I may be able to start training her NEXT WEEK! Thank you Lord!

Here is the documented master piece and creation process that inspired this entry:

Wipe the Sweat off My Brow

Wow, things are challenging right now.
Work is hard.
Balancing Mommy-hood and working is hard.
Being a Christian is hard.
Standing up for righteousness is hard.
Keeping up with my new online class I am taking is hard.
Being honest is hard.
Speaking up is hard.
Being a wife is hard.
But Jesus is faithful and life is still good! I am feeling His presence more than before and I know that He is using me daily. It feels so good to be ALIVE. Like truly ALIVE. Where you know you have to repent every night because you know you have messed up a million times... but you REPENT and you KEEP ON GOING. It feels so good. Being with Aaron is amazing. Having him in my life is incredible. I am so in love with Joey and the fact that Aaron is a mixture of us both is just beyond words. So I am going to press on relying on the strength of my savior. He is good. Life is good. Things are good.