Sometimes it's hard...

Sometimes it's hard to remember who you are in Christ. To remember that you were made with a purpose and that you should not be dependent on or hold anything else about Him who created you. Sometimes you find your identity in who others say you are. Sometimes you are a mom, or a friend, or a co-worker. Ultimately I am a Christian. I am a Christ follower. I am loved by the King and He has good plans for me.

It is amazing to me that I continue to lack faith and trust in the Lord. I sometimes even go so far as to believe lies about Him. Believing at times that whatever I pray for will let Him know where I am most vulnerable and that He may test my faith by taking that thing from me. A friend shared that she was feeling that way too and it hit me: I realized that in holding on to things (my child, my husband, my life) I am not free. Christ wants me to trust Him with these things because even if I choose not to trust Him with them He is still in control of them. So in that case it does no good anyway to think I can hold them. I can't keep things from God, they are His weather I surrender them or not. But also on the other hand, if I can willingly give it all to Him then I can be free from the bondage of feeling responsible for them.

In letting go I can be a mother because I realize that Aaron is not completely mine. I can be a wife because I know that if anything were to happen to him I lived the last day I had with him in FREEDOM and not in WORRY that he would be gone. And please understand that I do not feel I would be glad to release either of those things to the Lord if He decided it was best to take them. But I NEED to be at a place where I could draw near to Him in that time and believe the TRUTH. That He is still loving me in that.

I need to find my identity in Jesus. Even when I feel unwanted by loved ones I need to know that I am wanted by God. That HAS to be enough. People are not going to be able to provide for my needs. They are valuable, but not as valuable as Jesus. Sometimes it's hard to put people in their place in my life... a place that does not determine my worth. Sometimes it's hard, but I am hanging on the promise that Jesus is always here with me.